When There Are No Words : Finding Your Way to Cope With Loss and Grief
By Charlie Walton
This book describes that terrible moment when you desperately want to say something to console a friend or loved one and no words seem appropriate. This book is a conversation between a sensitive, articulate victim of sudden, tragic loss, and any person struggling to endure the numbing first hours and weeks of a life catastrophe. The book is helpful in families, friends, counselors, and supporters of the persons retrieving their life and purpose. When There Are No Words helps you find the path through grief and understand that loss is part of life.
Swallowed by a Snake : The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing
by Thomas R. Golden
Most of the books that I have read about men’s grief tend to paint a stereotypical one-dimensional picture of how men cope with their loss. Finally someone has taken a more even-handed approach and I found this to be a very worthwhile read. Not only would it be appropriate for men but it seems that it could be equally effective for women who would like to know more about what their husbands, brothers and male fellow grief travelers might be experiencing.
One of the more refreshing aspects of the author’s approach is that whenever he defines the masculine side of grief, he is careful not to limit the description to his observations. He is careful in choosing words and phrases such as "many men" or "most men" instead of "all men". This allows the reader to relate to the description when it applies without being turned off when it doesn’t. Personally I think this approach engages a wider audience and I believe this is something that is sorely needed.
It also seems to me that the author is particularly talented in his use of storytelling to illustrate or highlight certain key points. The title is inspired by a story of a man coping with his personal dilemma when he finds himself inside of a snake. His resolution to the situation is so similar to working through one’s grief that it really resonated with me. Highly recommended for those who want to explore the masculine side of grief.
The Bereaved Parent
by Harriet Sarnoff Schiff, Sarnoff Schiff
A reader from Panama , October 26, 1998 sanity-saving!!
When our son died in 1978, this book was the first thing I read that was an honest portrayal of what it really feels like. I began to understand that the Hell we were living in was the Hell of any parents who were trying (with every ounce of strength) to survive the death of a child. There is nothing that will erase the pain but this book made me understand the necessity of grieving --in my own time and in my own way! It made me realize that my grief (as a mother) was no more or less than my husband's (as a father); but it was VERY different. This book was responsible for helping me realize that perhaps we could keep our marriage and family together and move forward and have happiness. The pain is still part of my life but so is joy. I'm grateful for this book and have shared it (over the years) with others.
When the Bough Breaks :
Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter
by Judith R. Bernstein, Nora Donaghy (Editors)
Bernstein argues that parents don't recover from the death of a child so much as they adapt to it, forever altering the way they think and act--often with negative consequences. To provide some understanding of this complex situation, she interviewed 55 parents whose children had died. This research, plus her own experiences (Bernstein's son died when he was 25), allows her to examine the various stages of grief, the mourning process, the effects on family and social relationships, and the emotional differences between facing a sudden death (such as a murder) and an anticipated death (such as a terminal illness). She also probes the different ways men and women tend to mourn. This can cause problems, especially when a husband's comparative reticence makes a wife believe that he's relatively unaffected by the death of their child. Compassionate and revealing, it should aid both mental-health professionals and parents dealing with this kind of devastating loss.
A Broken Heart Still Beats: When Your Child Dies
by Anne McCracken (Editor), Mary Semel (Editor)
Review by reader from Minnesota , December 13, 1998.
Outstanding & realistic book about sensitive subject matter. What a wonderful book! I have read several books within the last 3 years concerning child loss (I lost my 12 year old son Paul to a brain tumor in 1996) and each book seems to be another prescription on how to overcome grief. This book acknowledges the ongoing pain and makes one feel not so alone as it connects us with people through the ages who have experienced our loss. It is upliifting in many ways and yet very "nuts and bolts" about life, loss, and continuing on with life. Bravo!!!
Letters To My Son
a journey through grief
by Mitch Carmody
Letters to My Son a journey through grief." This is a very powerfully written book about death, grief, loss and recovery, hope and a stalwart belief in miracles. Authored by a grieving father whose 9-year-old son died following a two-year battle with a recurring malignant brain tumor. During the months that followed his son's death, the author wrote letters and poems to him posthumously as a catharsis for his grief. A compelling story of love, loss and recovery that will grab your heart, nourish your soul and open your eyes. A must read for anyone who has experienced a great loss and is trying to find some path out of the darkness of their despair. Beautiful poems and illustrations by the author are woven throughout the text. This is not just a grief book for parents who have lost a child; it is for anyone who has experienced a loss. Not only can it be helpful those experiencing grief it is a moving experience for anybody who opens the pages.~~~~~ "I have learned that there is life after death on both sides of the equation, when faith is the common denominator. We can substantiate our lost loved one's life by the way we live ours." Mitch Carmody
Staudacher, Carol, Men & Grief: a Guide for Men Surviving the Death of a Loved One. (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 1991).
After the Death of a Child: Living with Loss through the Years (Paperback)
by Ann K. Finkbeiner
Finkbeiner, a medical and science writer in Baltimore, lost her son, T.C. (Thomas Carl), in 1987 in a train wreck, when he was 18. Determined to learn what researchers had to say about the long-term effects on parents of a child's death, she found that data on the subject was sparse and focused mainly on recovery steps taken immediately after the death. So she placed an ad in the newsletter of a local chapter of Compassionate Friends, a self-help organization for bereaved parents. She then interviewed respondents who had lost one (or more) offspring, stipulating that the death(s) had to have occurred at least five years before the interview. She met individually with 30 parents: Did they feel guilty? Did they feel better over time? Did their relationship to God change? The two main things she learned are that a child's death is disorienting indefinitely and letting go of a child is impossible. The author makes no claims to scientific rigor-interviewees were self-selected by virtue of having answered the author's ad. Those who have lost a child will find corroboration of many of their feelings in this enlightening and heartrending study.
Beyond Tears: Living After Losing a Child
by Ellen Mitchell
Beyond Tears is a book written collaboratively by nine mothers – each of whom had lost a child in their teens and early adulthood. The women met through Compassionate Friends and became fast friends even when some stopped attending meetings. They gathered regularly for several years and decided to write a collective story of grief and loss. What they accomplish through their own individual perspectives is to assure all of us who have experienced the loss of a child that we are not crazy, insane or unstable. Just mortally wounded and trying to find a new meaning and purpose in our altered lives.
Each chapter is interspersed with the details of each mother’s loss. By illness or accident, sudden or “expected” the moms write as though you are sitting beside them. They talk about anger, guilt, encouragement, disbelief, and sorrow and about their changed relationships with friends, family and even spouses. No subject is taboo. No emotion is omitted. They share their children’s memorials and how they handle special occasions. With each page, they become family. A chapter is devoted to the husbands and fathers. They are frank and open and provide a much-needed perspective on how men differ (and are similar to the women) in their handling of grief.
Beyond Tears is a well-written book with as many questions as answers but it provides a thorough and frank discussion of the many facets of “handling” the loss of a child. It was one of the first “grief books” I read that gave me hope.
