Grieving During the Holidays

by Brenda Penepent www.grieflossrecovery.com

The holiday season can be especially hard for those who are mourning the loss of a loved one. Brenda Penepent, Executive Director of Healing Hearts, shares the following suggestions:

1. Change your tradition. If you always ate at the person’s house who is passed, then start a new tradition. Take someone to dinner instead. Maybe a change of scenery will change your mood. Take a Christmas vacation somewhere snowy and do things like snow boarding and others things you never tried before. Even if you don’t feel like you are really enjoying yourself the first few times you change things, keep going. It takes a little time to make a new tradition.


2. Draw names for gifts if you feel like you just can’t handle shopping. If the toy aisle makes you cry, then send a friend to pick up specific things for you. Or try shopping online for gifts. I know you may not feel festive, but you could make cookies for the people on your “normal” list. If you find yourself buying presents for the person who is passed, don’t worry. It is normal. You can make a donation in their name to a shelter. Many places need toys for needy children, coats for poverty stricken families. Maybe you could organize a coat drive for your community. There is something to be said for giving to others when you are sad. It is an uplifting feeling to know that you are making a difference.


3. Ok, you haven’t managed to go somewhere different and you need to handle things in your own home because of other children in the home, or your need to feel grounded. That’s alright. You can handle this, but here are a few suggestions. Match tasks to your energy level. You don’t have to decorate the WHOLE house this year. Try just for a tree and keep it simple. Ask your friends to help you prepare food. Do the worst jobs first. Try to plan an hour for yourself in the midst of the chaos. You will need it to recharge your energy levels.


4. Try to remember that you will receive cards from well-meaning people who are hoping for your holiday to be happy. They really don’t understand the pain you are going through. Ignore them, you know they are just trying to figure out what to say or do. Most of them really do care about you, but are uncomfortable talking. So, they send you a happy card to try and cheer you up. In their ignorance, they are trying to help. If you receive cards like these, place them in a nice box and store them until next year. You don’t have to read them. Just tuck them away for another time. You received them, noted them and dealt with them. Don’t feel you have to reply at all.


5. Try to avoid eating lots of sweets during the holiday. Sweets tend to make us more depressed. The sugar level rises rapidly when eating the goodies, then plummets dramatically shortly thereafter. This leaves a feeling of emptiness and can lead to over eating. It is a cycle.


6. Most of all, you need to be honest with yourself about your feelings during this time. Ask yourself why you are sad, lonely, angry, afraid, and write down the answers. You may want to keep a journal or write a letter to your loved one describing all the holiday sites and smells and sounds and telling them how much you miss them at this time. Sadness at times like this is to be expected. Accepting that you are going to need some time to grieve will help you to deal honestly with your feeling of grief and decrease your frustration. Remember, you don’t have to be alone. You need time to heal these hurts and rebuild your life. Take it one step at a time.

About the author: Brenda Penepent, LPN, Executive Director of Healing Heart For Bereaved Parents, Russellville, Arkansas Chapter

eneverdies.net.

back to "Holidays"