From http://grief.com/helpful-tips/coping-with-holidays/
"Holidays are time spent with loved ones" was imprinted on our psyche from a young age. Holidays mark the passage of time in our lives. They are part of the milestones we share with each other and they generally represent time spent with family. They bring meaning to certain days and we bring much meaning back to them. But since holidays are for being with those we love the most, how on earth can anyone be expected to cope with them when a loved one has died? For many people, this is the hardest part of grieving, when we miss our loved ones even more than usual.
How can you celebrate togetherness when there is none? When you have lost someone special, your world losses its celebratory qualities. Holidays only magnify the loss. The sadness feels sadder and the loneliness goes deeper. The need for support may be the greatest during the holidays. Pretending you don’t hurt and or it is not a harder time of the year is just not the truth for you. If it wasn’t harder you probably wouldn’t be here. You can and will get through the holidays. Rather than avoiding the feelings of grief, lean into them. It is not the grief you want to avoid, it is the pain. Grief is the way out of the pain. There are a number of ways to incorporate your loved one and your loss into the holidays.
Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, New Years
These are the biggest and usually most challenging of all.
Tips
Have a Plan A/Plan B - Plan A is you go to the Thanksgiving, Christmas day or Christmas Eve dinner with family and friends. If it doesn’t feel right have your plane B ready. Plan B may be a movie you both like or a photo album to look through or a special place you went to together. Many people find that when they have plan B in place, just knowing it is there is enough.
Cancel the holiday all together. Yes, you can cancel the holiday. If you are going through the motions and feeling nothing, cancel them. Take a year off. They will come around again.
Give the loss a place. Have everyone share a story at the dinner table. It doesn’t have to be morbid. It can be a funny story of a loved one. Or everyone tells a favorite Christmas story. If the loss is there, give it a voice.
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